Who Is Leading the Dance?

I shared in my previous blog that God has been reminding me that my identity was secure...

I am a child of God.

Do you know what my first question was as he was showing me this?

“What do I need to do?”

And then I realized what I had just done.
Do you see it?

God was teaching me that I didn’t have to earn my identity.
And my immediate response was to figure out how to earn it better.

I had somehow managed to turn being a child of God into another outcome I needed to achieve.

Another thing I needed to get right.
Another thing I could measure myself against.
Another thing I could fail at.

It's OK to laugh, it’s a little comical how crazy I sound. (But I don’t think I’m alone in this)

God says:

“You are My child.”

And I say:

“Great. Tell me how to be really good at being Your child.”

And all of a sudden I am back where I started. Earning my identity:

Performing.
Grasping.
Trying to control the outcome.

But the truth I am learning?

I can’t fail to be a child of God.

I already am one.
I can fail to act like the child of God I am in a particular moment.
I can forget.
I can wander.
I can start acting like an orphan again.
I can start believing everything depends on me.

But none of that changes who I am.

And I think that realization matters more than we realize.

Because it is so easy to turn surrender into another performance.
Trust into another performance.
Faith into another performance.
We can even turn not performing into something we are trying desperately to perform correctly.

So if I am already His...

What does living like His child actually look like?

I keep coming back to the picture of dancing.

I have never taken dance lessons, although I have always been strangely fascinated by watching people dance.

When I was in college, I went swing dancing with friends several times. They would teach you a few things, but most of the time was just spent dancing.

I remember enjoying it so much.

I remember feeling free.

And I think I'm beginning to understand why that picture keeps coming back to me.

Here is the thing about dancing…

If you have ever danced with another person, you know that someone has to lead.

The person leading determines the pace.
The direction.
Where the dance is going.

The person following still has a role. They are not standing lifeless on the dance floor.

They are moving.
They are paying attention.
They are responding.
There is discipline involved in following well.

But they are not responsible for deciding where the dance goes. Their job is to stay close enough to follow the lead. And I think that's what I have been getting wrong.

I have spent so much of my life trying to lead the dance of life.

God, where are we going?
How fast are we getting there?
Why are we going this direction?
Can we go this way instead?
Actually, I have a plan…
Maybe you can bless this one?

And then I wonder why I am exhausted.

Because I am trying to do a job that was never mine.

God leads.

I am not responsible for controlling the pace.
I am not responsible for controlling the direction.
And I am certainly not responsible for controlling every outcome.

My role is to stay close.

To pay attention.

To follow His lead.

That doesn't mean I sit idly on the sidelines. Quite the opposite. 

Following takes movement, it takes attention, it takes trust, and it takes responding when He moves.

But there is a huge difference between moving with God and trying to move God.

And I think when we really begin to embrace our identity as children of God, we become free to follow. Because we are no longer desperately grasping for an identity we can control.

We already have one.

We don't have to make the business succeed to prove who we are.
We don't have to make everyone like us.
We don't have to know exactly where we're headed.
We don't even have to understand every step.

We can stay close to our Father...and follow.

Of course, we are going to forget.

I know I do all the time.

There are plenty of days I find myself trying to make a foolproof plan for my future and figure out all the details…those are the days I’m trying to take the lead again.

There are also days and moments when I get scared when I don’t know where we are heading and I try to start leading again..

There are many days when the pace feels too slow, and I subtly suggest we pick up the speed!

Then there are the days when I want God to show me where we are going before I agree to follow.

But I am pretty sure that's all part of learning to live as a child instead of an orphan.

We are not ever going to be a perfect follower on this side of heaven, but we can notice when we try to take the lead again...

We can ask for help as we follow.

Because here is what I am beginning to understand:

Discipline doesn't equal control.

I can follow well without being the one in control.
I can pay attention.
I can respond.
I can work diligently.
I can be fully present and engaged in where God has me.

But none of those things make me responsible for where the dance ultimately goes.

Following is my part.

And maybe that's the freedom I've been missing.

I don't need to know where the dance is going in order to dance.
I don't need to know every step before He leads me into it.
I don't have to perform well enough to earn my place in the dance.

I'm already His child.

I get to accept that and live from it.

And as God helps me do that—as He changes me—I am learning to loosen my grip.

To stop fighting for the lead.
To stay close.
To follow.

And maybe that's why this picture of dancing feels so different to me now.

There is freedom in following when you trust the One who is leading.

I don't have to control where we're going.

I get to dance with my Father.

And I am beginning to realize...

there is so much joy in following.