The Control Trap

Have you ever had the perfect plan in your head… and then started worrying about it not happening?

That happened to me recently.

In one of our businesses, we had a conversation with a potential partner and it sounded amazing. Everything lined up. It felt right.

And then later that day, I caught myself thinking, What if this doesn’t work?

Almost immediately, anxiety set in.
Not peace.

I wish I could say this only shows up in one area of my life, but if I’m honest, it shows up everywhere.

I get a picture in my head of how things should go.
And once I’m attached to that picture, I get stuck there.

The thing is, I know what Scripture says.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28–30 that His yoke is easy, light, and restful.
I also know that the fruit of the Spirit includes peace.

So I started asking myself…
Where’s the disconnect?
Why don’t I feel that rest and peace more often?

I’m beginning to realize it’s because I fall into what I call the control trap, instead of living the covenant way.

When I try to control outcomes, I step out of my role in the covenant.

Control is my attempt to secure results through my own effort instead of trusting God’s provision.

And it often disguises itself as “wisdom” or “responsibility.”

It can look like:

• making backup plans just in case God doesn’t come through

• worrying constantly about the future

• managing details God never asked me to manage

• rushing ahead of God’s timing

• refusing to move forward until everything feels secure

I’ve done all of those. More times than I want to admit.
And they never produce peace.

For me, I think this habit is rooted in the belief that I have to earn God’s blessing.
For others, it might come from being deeply disappointed by people, which turns into the fear that maybe God will disappoint them too.

Whatever the root, if we don’t learn to break this pattern, we won’t experience the peace God promises—not because He isn’t offering it, but because we aren’t receiving it.

We see this clearly with Peter in Matthew 14.

He’s walking on water. Everything is fine—until he shifts his focus from Jesus to the wind and waves around him.

What strikes me is that this isn’t about Peter feeling fear.
It’s about what he does when fear shows up.

The control trap isn’t about emotions.
It’s about actions.

If you read the Psalms, David felt everything:
fear
anger
sadness
frustration

But over and over, after he pours out his emotions, he reminds himself who God is and chooses to trust Him.

That choice—to praise, to remember, to trust—is choosing the easy yoke.

I wish I could say this comes naturally to me.

Even as I was writing this, I caught myself spiraling about money and future expenses. I started planning. Strategizing. Trying to figure it out.

And I felt God gently say, You’re doing it again.

Bring it to Me.
Then leave it with Me.
I’m the protector and provider in this relationship—not you.

That’s the heart of it.

This doesn’t mean we’ll never feel anxiety or uncertainty.
It means we practice choosing trust instead of control.

Because every time I follow the control path all the way through, it produces the same fruit:
exhaustion
confusion
heaviness
discouragement

That doesn’t come from God.
It comes from stepping into self-reliance.

Galatians 5:16 says,
“Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”

We can be in covenant and still operate out of alignment.
Positioned in the Spirit—but living from self-reliance.

That’s why this wilderness season has taught me something so important:

Abiding over striving.

Jesus says in John 15:4–5,
“Abide in Me, and I in you… apart from Me you can do nothing.”

We were never designed to bear fruit on our own.
When we operate in the flesh—through control and self-reliance—we don’t experience the fullness of the fruit God intends.

So each day, sometimes moment by moment, I’m learning to choose:
dependence on God
obedience to God
trust in God

The question I keep asking myself is this:
Am I reacting to circumstances…
or am I responding to God?

That’s the difference between walking in covenant
and slipping back into self-reliance.

The fullness we’re looking for is found when we stop trying to control and start trusting.

His yoke really is easy—
but only when it’s the yoke we’re choosing to carry.